Today’s therapy session was really really good. A little hard to hear but good. She talks about me like two different people…who I was and who I am working towards being and that is very motivating. “Let your relationships in the future be based on who you’re becoming, or who you’ve become to this point at least. Now that you are aware of what you want and need, break that pattern you’ve developed in your past relationships. Not to say that those old relationships can’t still be meaningful, but try and form a different pattern with new relationships that you form.” She said I am “light years” from where I was and she is impressed with some of the steps I’m taking on my own. We’re trying to figure out how I can be more social…and I told her I have no idea how to do that and that it is a little bit scary. She asked why and I said ‘I get really self-conscious’ and she laughed and said ‘Okay, so you’re human. That’s good.’ We worked on my anger issues a tad…deciding I need to find a way to not let the anger build up to the point where I explode, to get it out in small doses before it gets to that point.
In more upbeat news Tim made me laugh so much during salad bar breakdown that my cheeks hurt and actually the whole workday was kind of hilarious. My manager hit my very painful jaw with a box and when I said “Ow” he said “Oh come on, people get hit with boxes all the time here” then I replied “And is it always in the place where they’ve been having tooth pain?”. He said “Oh, shit, I’m sorry.” and apologized a lot afterwards. But it stopped hurting fairly quickly. I forgot to turn the stupid potato crate the right way and ran into the doorway reallllly hard and the manager and owner both laughed really hard at my reaction. Which made me giggle and my manager said ‘I’m sorry but that was funny.’ It was. A lot of my coworkers have apologized for laughing at my reactions to things…which I don’t blame them at all…I can be funny when I’m frustrated and I don’t mind if people laugh at it.
All in all not a bad day.