I’ve got a new job at the same place. Pretty awesome. I get to stay with all my coworkers that I love but I’m dealing with customers much less. I’m in a pretty good place mentally except I’ve distanced myself from the dude. It’s hard to realize you aren’t loved by the only person you thought loved you. That’s the only thing that’s upsetting me. But things are looking up! I just wish my heart wasn’t broken.
Fell off the wagon a few nights ago. See I was casually drinking at times to relax and if I got drunk… Oh well, it happens, I was okay with that and didn’t consider it a bad thing. But Saturday night I drank with the intention of getting drunk and numbing my feelings for the first time in 7 months. And then I did the same last night. I don’t think I’m sliding backwards as far as the drinking goes but it definitely didn’t make me feel great about how I’m handling this.
In related news, separations are shitty, I’ll never open up to anyone ever again and I’m feeling particularly bad about myself this week. Great week for my therapist to be all booked up and unavailable. Also the anniversary of my grandfather’s death is next week so from now on this will be the time of year I lost the only two people I ever loved. One to death and one to his own fucking stupidity.
But I’m going to be okay.
I guess my next step is to get a ps4. I’m holding out for the white one.
today was indescribably shitty.