it’s also very important to recognize patterns of emotional abuse. constant apologies and resentment of actions and self pity are common ways to manipulate you into forgiving them and helping them assume power in a situation again. it’s extremely hard to let go of someone you love but people like that don’t truly love you, they love the control. protect, love and care for yourself.
This. My psychologist explained this to me a few weeks ago. And that’s why I am where I am now. “I’m sorry.” “I’ll try to change.” “I’m just fucked up, sorry.” “I’ll try harder to keep your feelings in mind.” are a few examples of all the bullshit lines I heard over the years. Then he started to turn it on me. “You’re too needy.” “You overreact.” “I can’t always be there every time you’re having a bad day.” “I don’t know how to read you.” Are all examples of someone invalidating your feelings. It was hard to hear her say she thought it was an emotionally abusive relationship because most of my family has been extremely emotionally abusive my whole life and I can’t believe I let someone like that into my life. He wasn’t always like that but somewhere along the line he realized he could treat me like shit and say sorry and I’d forgive him and he’d be better for a few days or a week, never much longer than that and he’d go right back to doing the same old shit. I really tried to work it out with him, calling him on his bullshit and he flat out denied he was like that and said he wasn’t going to change. And yes, it was hard letting him go, it was a five year relationship (I knew him for 7 years) and I did love him, or rather, who he used to be, I’ll probably always love him a little bit but he wasn’t willing to take responsibility for his actions and he didn’t show much remorse for what he had done. I think what hurt the most was realizing he didn’t really love me, not actually losing him.
Nobody should EVER make you feel bad about your feelings. Ever. Period. No ifs, ands or buts about it.